I wanted to respond to all of the messages of support and love I've been receiving - I'm frankly overwhelmed!
For me, this blog was only ever a way of spreading information about my cancer and progress. But people seemed to have latched onto it in a way that I didn't anticipate.
I have to tell you that the brave exterior has collapsed a bit: I am absolutely terrified at the thought of dying. Oh, I'm through all of the K/R stages, I think, and its certainly not any religious consideration. Its just the uncertainty about how fast, how "well", the amount of pain, and my continuing worries about those left behind. I'll be gone, but their pain and loss will go on for a long time - it worries me a lot, particularly knowing there's absolutely nothing I can do about.
Details: selling car, organising funeral directors who won't make me choose Wind beneath my Wings as music, writing notices for the papers, organising a wake not knowing how many people might attend here in Brisbane. Just the normal stuff to do before you go away on a long holiday!
Once again, thanks for your love and support - it means more to me at this stage than you can possibly know.
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35 comments:
We'll be there, Tony - to celebrate your life as well as to grieve over its much too early end and the loss of a true and wonderful friend.
Dennis and Julian
Dear Tony
We feel privileged that our orbits have crossed paths and we've had the chance to know you as a great person, boss and riding buddy.
You're in our thoughts....and words can't express how we feel.
fondest love
Pam & Roger
Dad, I wanted to write this down on your blog, because it is important to me that everyone who doesn’t know me understands how I feel about you.
Although, I am not your flesh and blood, I have never felt anything other than this. You have always given unconditional love, help and support to me growing up and now to my young family. I feel as though we have always had a great father and daughter relationship, but this has blossomed and grown into a much deeper love, respect and appreciation for you, since becoming an adult and having my own children. I can only hope that I can be as great a parent to my children as you have been to me. Dad, I will forever miss you and wish you were around daily, but I know I will also feel extremely privileged to know that I was lucky enough to have you as my Dad.
Like others, I feel lost for words and full of sadness but I didn't want that to stop me "trying" to say something. I will long remember your energy, fantastic/quirky humour and commitment to making PEPworldwide the best community it could be to be part of. Your legacy will live on (albeit with a huge hole in the picture). Covey talks about "to live, to love, to learn, to leave a legacy" - tick every box Tony and pass in peace.
Lois McL
Tony,
Thanks for keeping the blog up! It let's us know that you are continuing to travel with us. I hope you are enjoying every day; every moment - albeit with what else travels with you in terms of feelings and fears. I hope they can be lost in the daily things you do - routine and not so.
You continue to make a difference with your ability to share with grace even the hardest moments. I continue to keep my fingers crossed for some luck and longer time. Lib
Hi Tony,
You are contunig to live the closing chapter of your life in a spirit which makes the rest of us stand in awe of you. Thanks for everything. See you Saturday (with David). Love, Peter.
Tony
What can one say to a friend like you except you have inspired us with your courage, tenacity, strength and attitude for these past months. It is a privilege to have you counted as part of the alumni of the Class of 70. I am ready to take on the Class Shield when you can hand it on and you will have the place of honour at our next gathering! Fortes in Fide We love you brother.
Greg Pike
Oh what a night……It only seems such a short time ago (and I am not going to say yesterday) – some 27 years - that on a rather chilly winter’s night at a Ski party night at our QEII Squash Club (now known as ANZ Stadium) there were three much younger gorgeous beings (that would be us Gaye, Tony and Rob Kerkin) all dressed up in our snow bunny gear for a night of merriment and après skiing and propped up at the bar with Tim and Trish.
The night was full of laughter, alcohol and just a hint of LOVE beginning in the air between the two rather smitten Gaye Haig and Tony D’Arcy…mind you it took a bit of a shove from me and my exit from the party to leave the two lovebirds to confirm their adoration for each other but were too scared to say anything……and the rest is history …a wonderful love, marriage and life together took place.
Tony - I will so truly miss your persona, quick wit and kindness. I will look after your gorgeous wife and my gorgeous friend…. I love you and Gaye so very much. You have always been my “family” and I am just so blessed to have you in my life. Thank you for being Tony D’Arcy. Rob xxx
Tony
Although we happened upon each other quite infrequently, those occasions were always light hearted and memorable.
We have been privileged to know you and Gaye and are grateful to have this opportunity to say adios to a friend.
In the words of the poet – James Elroy Flecker:
Old friend
Since we cannot see your face,
Nor shake you by the hand,
We send our souls through time and space to greet you.
You will understand.
Love
Chris and Albert
I'm so sorry things have worked out this way Tony. I'm glad to have known you briefly as a colleage. You've been an inspiration in your journey through this cancer; your humour and spirit. Know you have touched and made a difference to many lives.
Tony I can count my friends on the fingers of one hand and yet think myself wealthy. That I will have to do without one of those digits shortly when it had so much more to offer leaves me with few words.
I will look at my hand & ponder my missing finger, I will miss it sorely for I cannot grow another.
But I will always remember the fish it caught, the wine it held, the way it gripped that sea biscuit at the lake and especially for the friends and loved ones it has touched.
See you in Brissy
Mike The U Know What
Dear Tony,
I recall many sundry squash nights down the years that ended up with story telling and cans of beer into the early hours. What I should have said is that I recall many nights swapping yarns and drinking beer and I vaguely recall playing squash. This was the way we shared our squashie lives, keeping healthy and enjoying the competition, and the mateship.
I followed your blog for some time believing that the outcome would be another grand final win.
I am sure I speak for all the squashies of our era when I say that you more than any of us was the arch yarn teller and spinner of jokes. You also earned our respect as a sportsman and a good sport. I see you have not lost your sense of fun as well.
Good luck mate. We are all with you.
Clackie
Hi Tony
We just want to say how sorry we are to hear of this sad news.
It has been a privilege to work with and get to know you over the past few years. You have been an inspiration throughout your battle with cancer. Always staying positive and looking on the brighter side of life when times were really tough.
Thank you for being you.
You and your family are in our thoughts and prayers.
Love Nic, Jamie & Jackson Morgan
Ok, call me mad, many have, but, I've always kinda had the hots for Gollum.....
Au revoir Tony
Kia Kaha to Gaye, to your family and all of us
xxx
Michelle
Hi Tony,
I was told yesterday about your dire condition. Don't know what to say excpt our thoughts are with you for this approaching transition(!!!) You & Gaye will recall being the first to see our son, Josh, when he & his mum came out of hospital. You'd be pleased to know that he's playing Green Shield, 15 now, and his on-counrt passion/temper matches that of his father and mother combined - very spectacular! I remember fondly the squash tournaments of the early 80's. Again, all our best wishes and thoughts are with you, Gaye & your family.
We are privileged to travel this last journey with you.
John & Susan
how are you going mate, thought i'd chuck my bit in here and say how important you have been over the development of my life, i can put it simply... my confirmation name "Anthony" wasn't chosen because i admired the saint, i cheated abit and chose it because i admire my uncle so much.
Ant, here is to movies, BBQs, curry nights and everything else that you have shared with me.
Cheers mate thanks for the bloody decent role modelling
Hello Darce, Gaye and Nic,
I have been reflecting on our long association both professionally and personally;
how does one do justice to a life well lived? There are many warm, fond, funny and significant moments that come to mind often since I have known of your illness. Our shared history in the PSB (1983?)when you often brightened up my day as I walked along a corridor where you would peak over the cupboards and have a warm word, an incightful observation, or humourous remark, a cynical observation or just a cheery hello. It was always fun Darce and you were great to be around. So pleased that you came to work with HVM, again you added much to company life, both professionally and personally. Great fun, the social glue, kept things on the boil. Struck some great friendships. Built the client base. A great contributor all round. Georgie, my daughter, now 21 (whom of course Nicole babysat!) remembers fondly you teaching her how to position her reading glasses when she was just 4. This was a special and memorable moment - there were many that you created.
Sharing our professional ups and downs. Your great success with PEP, Major milestones, the death of your Dad, your 50th (how could I forget that long speech??), the joys you experienced in becoming a Grand Pop. Wonderful.
Life deals some strange and difficlut hands. This time it struck a blow too close, to you, who enjoys life to the full. I have been inspired by the way you and your wonderful family have rallied during this amazingly difficult time. Life has been richer for me having shared many experiences with you and over the months of your illness I have been inspired by your courage and honesty. It has been an hounour. Forever young Darce. Love Di xx
"Life is what happens when you are busy doing other things" said John Lennon.
When I think back of all the good times we shared over 20 years ago - Rent-a-crowd, blood capsules, Erina, fly screens, razor blades, motorbikes, great mateship - it makes me very sad to think we have not kept in touch until now, near the end.
When you get up to that big squash court in the sky, say hello to Ian and Rory. Like them, you will always have a place in my heart, so many memories, so many good times - thank you Tony.
Tony. This is the first time I have read the blog and I thought I may try and finish saying what I have tried to say in person.
You are an extremely generous, loving, brave and inspiring person. I will sincerely miss you but mostly I will miss Aiden’s beloved granddad. The love, friendship, guidance and mostly the adoring fan of whatever activity the boys participate in can never be replaced. I know he will miss you deeply, but I also know he wouldn’t be able to comprehend how much he and his brother have lost.
You are a fantastic Granddad and I am so sorry that my kids will not get to learn and laugh with you more.!!!!
Thank you for you friendship and support.
Drew
Tony, there are few thing I need to let you know. I have always been and always will be proud to call you my brother-in-law. The boys have known you as their closest uncle and have always held you in the highest regard. You have brought something special to their lives from very small children through to young men. You have always both engaged and challenged them while at the same time showing them respect and giving them the confidence to challenge back - sometimes with a bit of interest! We have so many special memories of our two families together - birthdays, christmases, easter - as well as just the four of us - berwick balls, Melbourne weekends, Canberra weekends, dinners, winery tours (who's surprised by that one?) - just to mention a few. These memories will live in our hearts forever. I thank you for the love and support you have given to my sister and yes, she will miss you terribly but your army of family and friends will always be there whenever and wherever she needs us.
we are all the worse for having to lose you too soon but infinitely the better for having known you. Deepest love, Rhonda.
Dear Tony,
I've only known you for a couple of years, but I wanted to add my few words of thanks that you are just who you are. The warmth, humour, joie de vivre and encouragement that you have always displayed in everything that you do, not least during the last 8 months, is inspirational to all of us and when my number is up, I will be thinking of you and your courage to help boost my own.
love to Gaye and even more to you,
Janet Brady
Hi Tony,
I remember at Aiden's third birthday party overhearing someone greeting you and saying they didn't realise you and Gaye were going to be up from Canberra for the occassion. You replied 'Well you should have because from the day he was born we were always going to be here for his third birthday and his fourth and fifth and, infact, every birthday we could possibly make it to!'
That made a huge impression on me because here you were, this successful man with this brilliant intelect, but your love for your family so blatantly stood above all else.
Thankyou for all you have done for us Summerfields over the years and for welcoming us into your extended family with such warmth.
I am sorry that you won't physically be at as many of the boys' birthday parties as we all would have liked. But if thoughts, or love, or a glass of wine can possibly symbolise a person, then we will certainly make sure you are well represented.
All my love and admiration,
Brydie
Tony,
I wish we'd had the opportunity to catch up last weekend but it wasn't to be. I sit here now thinking about whether I wanted to see you for your benefit or my own. I suspect it was probably more for me, as a child and as an adult seeing you and Gaye was always a welcome occasion. You both have an outlook and energy that I find infectious. You always made me feel welcome in your home and in your extended family and that is more important to me than you probably realise, thank you. I regret that the physical distance between where we live has limited our contact as adults and I will remember the few times we have had the opportunity to catch up over the last few years fondly. Reading through the comments on this blog it's obvious that you have many friends and people who care about you, a reflection of a life well lived. You and Gaye have never been far from our thoughts these last months and will remain so.
Love,
Andrew and Sussanah, Declan and Imogen.
Hey Tony,
I also want to express how much I have enjoyed being in a family with you. I recognised that total unconditional love for your family that you have. It twinkles in your eye. I have loved sharing being a grandparent with you. Some of the highlights of my life have been the births of these wonderful children. It was great sharing the joy with you and Gay in Sydney after Aiden’s birth and in Brisbane after Kai’s birth. Many Christmas’, many birthdays and many moments of just sitting around talking about how great these grandchildren are. I will miss you. I get overwhelmed when I think about how much we all will miss you. Especially Gaye and Nic. You are a great father. Nic is very special. I appreciate how much you love and support Nic and Drew. You also welcomed Damian, Brydie, Pete and me into your heart. You have enriched our family.
Your death, like the grandchildren’s births, will be one of those memorable intense times where one can’t really grasp the wonder and meaning of it all. All we can do is soak in the love of families and friends. The bonds that you have woven will keep strong. I promise to keep sharing the grandparenting with you and to remind them of your passion for life.
Thanks Tony for all that you have given.
Much love and sadness
Libby
Darce,
Just wanted to say what a tough "young" bastard you have been through this - far too young to leave us. You are an inspiration to us all and no matter what happens from here your memory will remain strong with me (and the rest of us) forever. Its been great to rekindle the old friendship - and you've got a whole bunch of old mates back together again. Hang in there old mate.
Fortes in fide.
Love Stormo and Jacqui
Tony,
As a collegue you really made a difference. We met at several IBT conferences. Remember Barcelone when you co-hosted that with me. It was so much fun, I always remeber you for the fun, good that you take advantage of all situations and have fun. Thanks for all you done for us all, you not only a familyman, a friend you are also fantastic collegue. You should be proud what you have achieved and I am so happy that I met you. Give my best whished to Gaye. Neta the Swede in Luxembourg
Tony
I have been keeping up with your battle and admire the strength with which you have faced the situation. You have kept up your high standards by refusing Wind Beneath my Wings!
Warwick Baxter
Tony
Fiona O has just given me your news and it hit hard after the good news towards the end of last year. The comments on your blog from your friends are a great credit to you. I was so impressed by the nerve you demonstrated when you first received the news of the cancer and how that made you even more determined to get on the PEP job. Now you show the same resilience and pluck as you face the current situation. You are a remarkable man. Sorry I will not see you in Brisbane (my home town) but you are in my thoughts.
Simon Elliott
Ant,
Bugger ... this is not how it was supposed to be. We are still on the other side of the continent but you both are in our thoughts. We have shared more than 24 years of friendship and many bottles of good wine and laughter. Here's cheers to you - you know we will keep in touch with Gaye.
Love from
Maruta and Rob
Hi Tony
Saying that you dote on your grandhildren is quite an understatement, to move up to brisbane to be with them and away from all that is familiar when your health was not good and future uncertain showed how much you cared for them, gaye and nicole. Tony, I never met either of my grandfathers and being a granddad is one of life's privileges, so I will endeavour to remind the boys about poppy tony because you are important to them. I very much enjoyed the christmases and red wines together over the past few years Pa Gibbo
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